Thursday, November 17, 2011

Dear God, thank you for the plans you have for me....BUT, could I have it just like, exactly, precisely, specifically, 100% like THIS????

How heavy the woes have been of mourning my faulty uterus, how frustrating the the times can feel coming to terms with my cyst-laden ovaries, how bittersweet the pity parties are that I attended alone!  Like every human, I'm pretty darn good at feeling sorry for myself. Then I slap myself silly and wake up to the reality of my life that I LOVE!

"For I know the plans I have for you.  Plans to prosper you, and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future!"  - Jeremiah 29:11

How great that is to read!

It sometimes feels like all your pain and suffering is for nothing.  That, if God really had a plan, why wouldn't he just show me already! Sounds much easier to me! But to really grow, learn, mature and appreciate what you have, you must get there on your own.  You'll get gentle nudges in the right direction, but only if you're open to accepting that the direction you're being nudged, might not be the way you want to go! lol

So my uterus is being a stubborn bitch, that's ok! God has a different plan for me! It took me a while to get to this point of finally accepting that my uterus has checked out, (and if I'm being honest I'll probably still have a twinge of resentment towards my faulty girly parts now and again),  but I'll have that clear understanding of why, that it's OK! 

I find that a lot of people pray, me included, for "direction." A clear path.  God, let your will be done! And to that I say,  "Really? Am I reeeeally open? Do I really want your will, or just one that resembles your will, but is mostly mine. Because, let's face it, I kinda know what I want. So, let your will be done, but only if it's just like, exactly, precisely, specifically, 100% like THIS." Turns out though, I'm not usually right.  Turns out, He has a WAY better plan than I do!  It's hard to see it (if at all), understand it (if at all), want to follow it (if at all), and have complete faith that it's the right one! (if at all!!) 

So to try and see, understand, follow and have complete faith in my path, I've decided to start praying a little differently. Instead of praying just for myself/family and our path, I've started praying for others that may someday come across our path.  Praying for the child that has already been chosen for our family, that he/she is safe and well cared for. Praying for the family that is taking care of our child, that they are blessed, or for the mother who is pregnant with our child that she is blessed. I'm praying that I fill my time of waiting, not with frustration and discouragement, but that I fill it with time to help/bless others. To really appreciate the NOW, and not just long for the future. 

So I challenge you to try this out.  It's kind of amazing how things start happening once you do!  Almost ALL of the things I was stressed about, have been solved! Kinda funny how God does that ;) PLUS, this is the season of giving! What better gift than to pray blessings onto other people, find a way to physically help someone or to be there for them, or if you're moved to do something and don't know why, DO IT! I'm not sure what made me feel like writing about this particular subject, but I was moved to tell others that I DO sometimes doubt God's plans, that I don't always have faith, and that it's NORMAL to feel that way!  BUT, the power of prayer is amazing!  By making very small changes in the way you pray, you can work miracles!  So have FAITH, BELIEVE, and be PATIENT!  Things will work out for you, and you will be blessed!

1 comment:

  1. God doesn't need your uterus to put your family together. Keep your faith. He does amazing things when you least expect it.