Thursday, September 29, 2011

This Time Jesus Came Dressed As A Woman....

So, it's been a really long time since I've posted anything. The main reason behind this is because I kinda turned into a cranky b-word! As we attended 30+ hours of 'parenting' classes, getting physicals, a TB test (apparently it's pretty rampant in big cities, who knew!) fingerprinted, criminally background checked by everyone from local police to the FBI, and spending hours filling out a stack of paper work that was 2 inches thick, I found myself turning into a UAV military drone, able to pin point 'un-fit' parents a mile away! Doo doo doo - there's a mom dropping cigarette ash on her baby in the stroller! Doo doo doo - there's a mom telling her small child she's gonna " f-ing knock him out if he doesn't stop what he's doing!" Doo doo doo - Yet another trying to SELL her baby to my friend at Taco Bell in Vancouver, WA. (yes I said sell, it was so sad and she just recently pleaded guilty). Then to top it all off, the only other couple in our class that was adopting, came to the last class and told us they got a baby! I was extremely excited and happy for them, but couldn't help but have a little thought in the back of my head of "why can't we catch that break?"(Don't I sound like a total spoiled brat already! Geez!)

Each person I saw with kids that didn't appear to appreciate the gift they were given,  caused me to become more and more bitter, resentful, and frustrated. Here I was, getting FBI checked and taking classes, etc etc, and I still have to go through MORE when our home study begins, and these people just pop kids out like gumballs, multiples sometimes! It just didn't seem fair! "Why don't they have to go through this!?" I would say while attending my pitty party solo. This is where the title of my post comes into play. While the frustration continued to grow like an annoying wart that wont freeze off but keeps itching, and itching, and itching, and growing, and growing, and growing, I got my big quarterly "Ah Ha" God moment. I have God moments everyday, but I'm talking the "big-smack-you-across-the-face-make-ya-feel-kinda-like-poo-but-then-immediately-after-are-refreshed-and-feel-fantastic God moment"!

Through time, God has spoken through various means. Burning bush, transfiguration, disciples, but this time, for me, Jesus came dressed as a woman, and he was armed with a cosmetology license and a camera. The first woman He spoke to me as was my nail lady (the cosmetology license). As I'm getting my nails did and telling her how frustrated I am, and basically re-hashing all the agonizing details mentioned above, she says to me, "Joey, you need to use cuticle oil, and you need to change your focus." What is this foreign tongue she speaks? Change my focus? But clearly it's obvious how right I am about how unfair this is for me!! Can you not feel my pain as it is yours!?!  She continues. "If all you're looking for is the bad everywhere, all you're gonna find is the bad! If all you're looking for is negativity, that's what you're going to find! You need to focus on the positive in your life and the parents you know that are great! Not just the bad ones you see walking their babies down the street in 100 degree weather in improper clothing!"

Really? Could it be that simple? And the answer is yes! She was soooo right! I was focusing on the negative! Light bulb! As easy and obvious as this seems to be,  it's really surprising how easy it is to feel sorry for yourself. I'm not a mean person, I'm normally happy and funny and carefree! But I lost my way temporarily and turned into a crabby complainer! So I smacked myself in the face and said "Take off the blinders debbie downer! Quit getting so caught up! Get back to who you are!" This light bulb moment really helped me change the way I see things every day. So, now with this re-found enlightenment, I got one more affirmation to what I was already putting into place in my life.  This time, Jesus came and spoke through 2 ladies at the same time! It was my friends Lindsay and Gena from Earth Monkeys. During the EMHE, Gena posted on the EM fb page a look into the journey of the build. In this journey, she posted a picture (the camera) of a cupboard door in Lindsay's house that had a verse from Isaiah. It said, "For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help". BOOM! Flood gates opened, I started balling my eyes out! I was so touched by that cupboard door, and it 100% filled that last little piece I was missing in my new-found mission of positivity!

In life it becomes far too easy to complain, feel irritated, frustrated, discouraged and just plain not understand what the heck this terribly hard lesson is I'm supposed to be learning at this moment!  I've "let it go" a few times through this journey, and felt really strong and full of faith, but not until recently have I totally given it up! (I'm tearing up writing this HA! Yay for unstable hormones!) It's a very liberating moment to be able to take the stress off your shoulders! It's far too heavy anyway right, and I wouldn't want to hurt my delicate frame! ;) 

So I'm throwing out a challenge to anyone who actually reads all the way through this ramble! The challenge: to find ONE THING every day that is humbling. If you find grace in others, it will one day be found with you! The way you feel when you can draw strength from people like Lindsay and CJ and their kids, my friend Callee who has a daughter in a wheelchair, my other friend Angela who just had to take her small baby to have surgery, the parents of Faith and Ethan, and the many others who stay strong through their struggles, is......well, I can't actually find a word to describe it! Inspiring would only be the tip of it! So go out each day, and be humbled! You wont regret the way you feel and the love and appreciation you have for your life and your own struggles! Because like my mama always says, "This too shall pass!!" (She be such a smart lady)


  1. wow. I love you. this is such a breath of fresh air for me, thank you! Just like those people blessed you, you have blessed me! And you always do- whenever we talk you always speak so much wisdom directly into my heart. It's truly a gift. I swear Ive read that text you sent me like five times today (and it's long so that's saying a lot! lol)...those were God's words, He spoke right through you Jo. Thank you for being my friend and caring enough to listen to me cry, whine or complain to you all the time! I couldnt have gotten here with out you and just so you know- my most 'inspirational/influencial cheer person' was you, I told the team that and tears came to my eyes. I Love you Jo and Im praying for your adoptive child you are yet to meet. Gosh is God going to bless you :)

  2. GREAT post Joey. I remember when I had my fertility problems being so bitter to anyone who conceived a child, or didn't take care of the ones they had. I think its a total normal feeling, but so destructive to your mental health!!!! Thank you for the inspiring words. Much love and prayers to you ♥